Debits,Credits,Balance Sheets....all these terms exudes a sort of commercial essence----the Troughs and Crests of day to day life.But with the quietening of the turbulence of youth and when the distant horizon,which earlier seemed to be something unreachable,looms nearer and nearer beckoning to join the march of setting Sun,One can perhaps be allowed to become some-what indulgent to stretch the meanings of these terms and may be allowed to apply them in other aspects of life.
In this perspective, Sometimes, when a simple 'White lie' uttered, or an act of apparently innocent 'Deceit' resorted to,decades ago and buried deep in to the remotest corner of memory resurrects and raises its head,removing thick layers of days,months and years and starts gnawing at the conscience,then personally I felt a jolt and thought of having a second look to it....I mean to the 'incident'.
I was waiting for the lunch while it was being arranged by my wife and then both of us will wait for his arrival from the Nursery school. I got the sound of arrival of the school van in the campus,and the silencing of purring of the engine.I heard the sound of opening of the gates and chorus, joyous,gibberish of boys and girls,all coming from the morning school,while deciding amongst themselves what games will be played in the afternoon before heading towards their respective quarters.
I heard the sound of opening of the wicket gate and soft sounds of small steps.Now he will cross the veranda,enter through the main gate into the room,will rush to his parents and fill the room with the stories and happenings of that day in the school,oblivious of the load of the school bag still being carried by him on his back.
Then he will have to be coaxed and persuaded to keep the bag on his reading table,to change his dress and wash his hand and feet, only after giving him a solemn assurance that both of us will listen to all stories to be told by him in the evening.He will then join us for the lunch and will immediately rush to the fish-plate.
But, this blissful daily ritual did not happen on that day.I heard the sound of small feet climbing the steps and also the sound of opening of the wicket gate,as I was closely monitoring the progress.But then I heard a shrill wailing---calling in between sobbing"Papa Come to me quickly".I rushed to him and saw him weeping profusely and his school bag biting the dust.First I checked his person for any cut,bruise or blood,as he had an UN-canny habit of having cuts and nicks.Not finding anything of that kind I lifted him on my lap and while consoling him,I tried to get to the reason of the deep sorrow of the kid.
In between his sobbing,he extended one of his little hands to a fluttering,wounded sparrow with a deep gash at its neck and told,"minu has killed the chirip",('minu' and 'chirip' being a kitten and a sparrow in his language).Giving him to his mother,I tried to nurse the wounded sparrow but the effort went in vain and the sparrow died after few minutes.He had just witnessed the most inevitable but the dreadful part of life...the Death.He had heard the term before but now he had seen it with his own eyes.He kept wailing and sobbing and I had again taken him in my lap.Now from his mutterings in between his sobbing I could follow that the cause of his sorrow has extended its vista..apart from the death of the sparrow he has now become concerned about the fledglings in the nest.He started asking me that after the death 'elder' sparrow who will feed those fledglings in the nest and they will also die of hunger.
These house sparrows were very dear to all three of us.Together we followed the building of their unkempt nests in different niches,the laying and hatching of the eggs and the feeding of the ever hungry fledglings by the tire-less mother sparrow..from day break to sun set.The idea of lunch and the concern of getting late for my work had already left me and in the quest of quietening him and reducing his sorrow and concern,I took him to the dead sparrow and showed him that it was a '.father sparrow'.The mother sparrow is still alive .It will get sad but will continue the feeding and rearing the fledglings...alone.Being assured about the future of those fledglings,he stopped sobbing but remained very sad.I eased him down on the floor, went inside the room and brought an empty container.I put the dead sparrow into that container an closed the lid.Then holding the kid in one hand and the container in the other,I guided him inside the room,his mother brought the school bag.
I kept the container at one corner on the top of the dining table, in his full view,and while consoling him all the time to quieten his mind,both of us started washing his hands and feet and changed his schhol dress.Now came the most difficult problem to solve....what I could do with the container holding dead sparrow without hurting the already wounded mind or hurting him the least.This was there at the back of my mind and that is why I had brought that empty container.After sometime when he had come to his own and his mother was trying to feed him,I told him that in the evening both of us will go and bury the sparrow with the container in The River Ganges and will pray to the Mother Ganges to confer blessings on the dead sparrow and to wield Her Magic Wand,once more, so that the sparrow can get united with its family.He Happily agreed with me.I came back from my work in the evening and found that he had skipped his afternoon game and earnestly waiting for me.
Without wasting any further time ,I lifted him on my lap and holding the container in one hand we headed to-wards the Bank of the Ganges.Leaving him in the care of jetty guard,I went down the stairs to the level of the water and in his full view I silently prayed for some time and then drowned the container in The Ganges.While climbing up the stairs, I saw him standing on the jetty,still praying with closed eyes and folded hands.
As I came near, with the sound of my feet he opened his eyes and hold one of my hands and did something which was very much rare with him....he walked all the way by himself.Only once he asked me.,"Papa, now again they will be a happy family".I was out of my words and wits and only I could manage to reply that let us hope that our prayers will be heeded.
He was sure that his prayer will be answered and his beloved "chirip" will get back to its family.He was very happy and had no more sorrow for the dead sparrow.All the way he kept talking about so many things happened in the school.Again he was on his own self.
But what about me?In my leisure moments,my conscience continually reminding me about the act of deceit and cheating of the innocent child.But what else I could have done to give some peace to that little mind.
I know that when he will grow up,he will spot the deceitful act of his father but I was also sure that to give his judgement ,he will have to wait for some time till he becomes a father.
And so, after decades,when the memory of this fraudulent act raises its head and confronts my conscience,I still feel that I had done nothing wrong.I had no other way to console that young mind and so this act of deceit should be entered under the heading of the 'credit column',
In the mean time,I will patiently wait for Final Audit on the Day Of Judgement.
Pradip Maitra
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